Slowly but surely, I’m working my way through Szalavitz and Perry’s book Born for Love: Why Empathy is Essential- and Endangered. In case you missed it, check out last month’s post on Too Much Empathy.

Once again, keep reading, because at the end of this post is another DGT contest. This time you might win last week’s Kinder Book Club choice: House Mouse and Senate Mouse by Cheryl Shaw Barnes and Peter Barnes!

I’m approaching the middle of this book while simultaneously spending most of my day caring for a newborn. This means I’m constantly dazzled by demonstrations of the miraculous effect of mirror neurons between mother and child. So much of these early days are spent gazing into my new baby’s eyes, smiling as I feed him. The repetition of this allows him to strongly associate the warmth and comfort of his full tummy with the warmth and comfort of his mother’s smile and touch.

Soon, he’ll master his own ability to smile, his first intentional act of communication. Who among us doesn’t smile back at a new baby’s grin? Who hasn’t spent a ridiculous amount of time trading smiles with a baby, mirroring each other’s goofy grins for the sheer pleasure of it? In this simple and universal game is the root of all empathy. These are the moments when we, as infants, first learn to take pleasure in the joy of another, and conversely, are distressed by our mother’s stress or disengagement. In fact, the authors contend that the same brain systems that allow mothering in this way also served as the root of monogamy.

Perhaps mother-love is partly responsible for the empathetic capacity of our entire species!

Even as I ruminate on and revel in the bonding process with this newest member of my family, the various case studies in chapters 2 through 5 offer countless insights into the challenges and barriers to empathy.

Neurologically speaking, our stress response systems are designed for a much different life than this modern one we’re living. What was once a helpful biological system empowering us to flee from predators now puts our whole bodies on alert when a car backfires, when a stranger knocks on our door, when a deadline approaches, or we find ourselves in a heated argument.

The natural antidote to all of this stress is simple: caring human contact. Unfortunately, as our society finds new and unique ways to fracture and distance ourselves from one another, opportunities to calm ourselves decline.

The good news is, we can be part of the solution. By intentionally and habitually reaching out to those around us with kindness and love, we can help moderate their stress reactions, even as we get some relief of our own.

While I revel in all of this new baby love, I plan to work a little harder to spread kindness and love to friends and family and whoever else I encounter in the coming days and weeks.

Now it’s your turn! If you are reading along, what struck you in the first five chapters of this book?

Or if not, simply let me if you have experienced or administered the calming effects of kindness in a stressful moment? Even a simple comment about how you found DGT will qualify you for a chance to win House Mouse and Senate Mouse by Cheryl Shaw Barnes and Peter Barnes.

Tags: Big Ideas, Books & Resources, Grown Up Books

About Sarah

Sarah Aadland is striving to make family volunteering a meaningful habit for her family of five. Join the conversation as she ponders what they may (or may not have) learned and looks for helpful information about raising compassionate kids.Though she plans to one day put her Masters in Public Policy back to work for social justice, she sees family volunteering as a way to build a stronger community, a better world, and a more connected family. In addition to her children, Sarah tends a large garden, a small flock of chickens, and a habit of mindfulness amid the necessary rituals of parenting.

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