Emphasizing Empathy
It seems like empathy has been all over the news lately. At least, three specific New York Times articles have been chasing each other around in my head . Maybe they can help us in our quest to raise caring and engaged kids.
The most recent came out last week. From Students, Less Kindness for Strangers reported a 40 percent decline in the empathy of college students, most of which has occurred in the last decade. While there is some disagreement over the quantitative measure of empathy, this is still a thought provoking study. People across the internet are saying, “ah ha, I knew it,” and are citing various examples of egocentric behavior among our society’s newest adults.
In contrast, back in May there was this article on The Moral Life of Babies, which demonstrates that we all have an innate sense of morality. We are all born with the groundwork for living a kind and loving life in community with our neighbors. The babies in this study not only understood the difference between fair and unfair, they preferred one over the other, and attempted to administer justice when the puppets used in the study ended up in their own chubby little hands.
The research suggested that these inborn traits may just sit around latent while the kids learn more about the world.
Which is why, I suppose, we parents feel like Every. Single. Social. Behavior . Must. Be. Taught… Don’t hit your sister! Don’t bite your friend! Don’t run away and hide so you can hoard your toy! And yes, don’t eat the cat’s ear! I’m talking about two-year-old here, not a baby!
So what is happening? Why are we simultaneously discovering that children are born with the capacity for empathy yet reaching adulthood with an ever-diminishing quantity of it?
Like others who commented on the most recent article about teens and empathy, I point instinctively and disdainfully (and entirely unfairly) at reality television, social media, and the hyper-overvaluation of Type A perfectionism.
In other words, “Baah, kids these days.”
But most of the college students and college bound that I know are delightful and involved people, so what can I do to make sure mine end up in that category?
With that question in mind, I’ll offer this third lovely find from several months ago . Empathy is Natural; But Nurturing it Helps. It seems that modeling empathy for your child, and being empathetic with their own fears, needs, and triumphs may help grow their own capacity for understanding and identifying with others.
When my dramatic five year old got her latest round of vaccinations last week, she refused to stand up, preferring to crawl to bed declaring “My legs hurt too much to walk.”
Her two-year-old sister was extremely upset. “I don’t want her to hurt,” she repeated over and over. All the while she loaded up her sister’s toothbrush with toothpaste and delivered it to her on the bed, so poor hurting sister didn’t have to walk to the bathroom.
It was so dear. So empathetic. And definitely an instinct I hope to guard as they grow up together.
Tags: Improving Lives, In the News
