The Complicated Psychology of Helping
On more recycled post, this time from February 2011. I’ll be back next week with new thoughts, hopefully refreshed after a bit of off-line family fun. Check out the link below and take some time to ponder the complicated psychology of helping others. You’ll find lots of food for thought!
If you have been using the concepts of Doing Good Together to become a helper in the world and to teach your child to become an intentional helper, check out this article on the psychology of helping. Carl Pickhardt, PhD, published “Teaching Adolescents about the Psychology of Helping” on the Psychology Today blog Surviving Your Child’s Adolescence, and even though I don’t yet have adolescents to teach, I found the information both interesting and, well, helpful.
Pickhardt emphasizes the importance of service in adolescence in part because adolescence is such a self-centered phase, but I’d like to suggest that early childhood is also (by developmental necessity) a self-centered phase. Whatever the age of your child, service can add an important dimension to their overall well-being, and understanding the psychology of service can help you as a facilitator.
Honestly, understanding these nuances will help me as a fellow participant in the service projects.
I especially appreciated the refutation of the ideas “Helpers always know what to do” and “The helper does the helping.” Feel free to share your favorites or concerns about his points in the comments section!
I wonder how many of these nuanced quirks in the psychology of helping are actually intuitive for children. They spend so much of their time on the receiving end of help, sometimes desired and sometimes not. Parents, teachers, and well-meaning friends are nearly always stepping in for kids, sometimes for their own well-being and sometimes out of our own need to be the directors.
Both as a parent and as a volunteer striving to provide useful services, this article was full of food for thought.
Tags: Big Ideas, In the News
February 9th, 2011 at 5:44 pm
I love what you wrote about how there is a misconception regarding volunteering: that the benefits are from helper to those being helped. I, like you, believe that when we are really of service, the experience is mutually beneficial- for we both challenge ourselves to grow through the act of nurturing. Service is most beautifully selfish, in that when we give of ourselves in this way, provide our time, our energy, we are the recipients of priceless reward: good character.
February 10th, 2011 at 6:57 pm
Well said Brynn! Thanks for the comment