There has been a lot of online chatter about whether it is possible for parents to  be happy, ever since New York Magazine ran a moving and perplexing piece on the topic called All Joy and No Fun.

On the other hand, Christine Carter’s book Raising Happiness has convinced me that a happy, fulfilled parent is more important than any ten point plan for perfect parenting. 

These competing notions have  been clattering around in my head for a few weeks.

Can parents find everyday joy in the mundane requirements of parenting?

Do I?

I do describe myself as happy, more often than not, and all of this is, in fact, related to the mission of Doing Good Together. My most satisfying, soul quenching days as a parent are the days when I work with my little people to meet their needs, accomplish the must-do list, and find room for honest fun for all three of us somewhere in between.

To do this, they have had to learn to both help out and wait their turn, two valuable lessons on the road to compassionate adulthood.

They respond to my requests for help, even at just five and two-years-old. If it’s lunch time, they wash vegetables for our meal. If we’re headed to the lake, they pack stuff up with me. Before we do almost anything I remind them that we are a team, and if they follow the rules and help when I ask, then we all get to stay longer and have more fun at the park or the lake or even in the backyard.

They also wait their turn, though not always happily. I am a public radio addict and insist that I get a turn with Carrie Miller  somewhere in between “Going on a Bear Hunt” and that song from Shrek.

Kindness begins at home. A big part of family life is learning that everyone has needs and sometimes we must wait because those needs can’t all be met at once. Also, sometimes mom gets to go first.

You may have caught my recent post about Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree. I, like many readers, am uncomfortable with the tree’s self-destructive over giving. How better to counter that message than to model the opposite: I ask for help when I need it, even from my young children. As a result, they have learned that, little as they are, they can help out, and we are all happier as a result.

How does kindness begin in your home?

Do you find daily happiness in your life as a parent?

And do you think the two are related?

Tags: Books & Resources, Parenting Challenges

About Sarah

Sarah Aadland is striving to make family volunteering a meaningful habit for her family of five. Join the conversation as she ponders what they may (or may not have) learned and looks for helpful information about raising compassionate kids.Though she plans to one day put her Masters in Public Policy back to work for social justice, she sees family volunteering as a way to build a stronger community, a better world, and a more connected family. In addition to her children, Sarah tends a large garden, a small flock of chickens, and a habit of mindfulness amid the necessary rituals of parenting.

View all posts by Sarah