Today, the first day of school for Miss Kindergarten, feels like a good time to pause and reflect on how this intentional summer of kindness has affected our family.

Initiative is the most obvious change in both Miss K and Little Miss Two. Even beyond the projects I select for, giving has become a routine for them, whether it is a card to cheer up a neighbor or a bag of garden veggies to brighten the doorstep of a random house near the park. I am caught off guard some days when my agenda is sidetracked in favor of a two-year-old who wants to make a project for “the other kids” which is how she refers to the families at People Serving People.

That the girls now ask to do many of DGT’s simpler activities, or invent their own versions of them, is a testament to the another big change I’ve noticed. The simple things that fill our days are now full of meaning.

We don’t just harvest from our garden, we feed our community (on a very micro level) by setting some aside for the food shelf.

Coloring is not just a way to pass time while mom makes dinner, it is an act of hope that whoever receives it feels a bit happier for a while. When we hand delivered some art along with Meals-on-Wheels last week, the girls were able to see that hope realized. They received all kinds of compliments and smiles. And our art table has been busier than ever.

I have also noticed a growing sense of empathy in both kids. We have spent so much time talking about our own emotions and the emotions of others. Wondering about how we might feel in different situations. Reading about how others feel. As a result, their empathy muscles are stronger.

Seriously. I see it on the play ground when Miss K seeks out the little boy swinging by himself and offers to be his friend. Or when Little Miss Two throws sand, realizes she made another child sad, and runs crying to me shouting “I’m so so sorry I hurt that kid.” Lately, my discipline technique is often as simple as pointing out how their actions have affected other people (mostly each other). They seem genuinely sorry and ready to talk about how they could approach the situation differently next time (i.e. ask for the horse, don’t just take it from your sister… they are kids after all).

These simple changes are much more than I expected at the start of the summer. Developing this habit of family volunteering has fed a “habit” of kindness. We will definitely be keeping up the good works!

Miss Kindergarten was excited when her dad went off to build homes for people who couldn’t otherwise afford them. She has watched him build her play house and our chicken coop, and it seemed fitting to her. As she put it, “there are a lot of people at the homeless shelter waiting for houses.” They definitely needed his help

When I told her that we could help too, in our own way, she was immediately ready to get started.

The craft itself was simple and engaging enough to keep Miss K entertained for more than an hour. We simply printed out the template together, and off she went to decorate, cut, and glue her very own house. She spent extra time finding magazine people and pets to glue into the windows. The final version included a jaguar, two ladies, and an elephant. That’s some household!

While she worked  (and Little Miss Two smashed her play dough), I followed some of DGT’s reflection questions to keep her thinking about the meaning behind the project.

• I wonder how it would feel not to have a place to sleep at night?
• I wonder how it would feel not to have enough money to buy a house?
• I wonder how it would feel to be part of habitat, building a real house for some?
• I wonder how it would feel to be part of a community that built your house for you?

Her answers were simple: “happy” or “sad” was all she said at first. I tried sharing my own answers, and before long she talking about how scary it would be to not have all the things she needed and how thankful she would be if someone helped our family.

She chose to send her house to Senator Amy Klobuchar, whose picture and address are on the fridge right next to other Minnesota law makers.

I helped her write the letter, of course, but the words below were all hers:

Not everyone has a place to live,  some kids are waiting at the homeless shelter. My dad helped with Habitat for Humanity , and I wished I could help. I made you a house so that next time you can make more houses, you remember to help the kids at the homeless shelter.

With this one simple project, our whole family worked together for affordable housing.

We narrowly averted a dreaded tantrum on some hungry stranger’s doorstep. As a result, I learned that the nature of the route makes all the difference

I now know that next time I will ask our local MOW coordinator to reserve an apartment-centric route, like the one we had last time. Multiple deliveries in a single building cut down on the car seat dance, give preschoolers the excitement of hunting for numbers, and offer more time in a climate controlled environment.

Between the heat and the impending nap time crash, both girls got a little whinier with every stop. I engaged my best upbeat parenting distractions:  including piggy back rides to the car, knock knock jokes and silly songs between stops.

By the last few deliveries, I offered to let the kids stay in the car.

They refused. It is a real testament to the power of the Meals on Wheels experience that both Little Miss Two and Miss Kindergarten turned down the air conditioning and their trail mix.

Instead they repeatedly chose to march up to a stranger’s door with a carton of milk, a dessert, a hot meal, and, this time, a brightly colored picture.

Everyone on the other side of the door was happy to see the kids and willing to ooh and ahh over the crayon-laden gift. Even the last door, when the gentleman was greeted with the very beginnings of what could have been an epic fit.

Little Miss Two had had enough. Her sister had rung the doorbell before she could, and that was the very last straw. She scrunched up her little lips and began the first tormented tones of a wail that inspired her sister to plug  her ears in defense.

When the kind man opened the door, however, and smiled at them, all was quiet.

Earlier in the day, I heard both girls describing Meals on Wheels to their neighbor friends. They focused on the “Grandmas and Grandpas” they get to help. So in spite of this somewhat frazzled visit, we’ve officially signed on for the long haul. Meals on Wheels has already taught us something about kindness.

Along with something about perseverance.

A new study out of Brigham Young University suggests that loving siblings inspire a charitable mindset,  more so than parental influence. The research found that sisters had an especially profound impact on mental health overall, and kindness in particular.

As back-to-school excitement and end-of-summer boredom has siblings across the country tugging their hair out,  this is good news for us parents.

These findings remind us that growing compassionate kids begins at home.

Compassion begins with the people gathered around your dinner table every night. If we can’t be kind and understanding among our own family, how can we bring those values into the larger world? Too often, it seems, our family members are the first to witness the side effects of a missed nap or long-over due snack… or a neglected yoga practice.

As this new research suggests, kindness and compassion are as natural among siblings as that notorious rivalry. Even on their crabby days, my daughters will defend each other from my most gentle reprimand. They look to each other for hugs and comfort over a stubbed toe or bumped head. Since they are young enough to happily share a room, neither can sleep without the other.

Lately, I have had to do more conflict intervention than usual (let’s blame the full moon).

I have been trying the old trick of making them each tell me how their action made the other feel.  The effect is remarkable. More often than not, the apologies are swift and sincere after the perpetrator has taken a walk in her sister’s shoes. I have found many other good conflict resolution tips in Raising Happiness, a book that’s proving more valuable with each chapter.

More than a month ago, my family went to the Como Zoo with fresh resolve. You might remember my post about Transforming a Frequent Family Outing.

My kindergartner took our decision to sponsor an animal very seriously. At first, she wanted to adopt a lion or a gorilla, because she didn’t think their space was quite big enough (and she’s right!). She was also divided by her love of the Madagascar zebra, and therefore his quieter Como twin, so a decision seemed unreachable.

Finally she told me she didn’t want to think about it anymore.

I let the matter drop.

Until last week, when news of a new zoo baby brought her fresh inspiration.  The adorable little guy, a four-month-old giraffe who is actually quite a bit taller than I am, captivated our whole family, along with thousands of our closest Minnesota neighbors. We very soon found introduced ourselves as new sponsors.

Now that we are officially sponsors, I’m curious to see how our zoo experience will change. Will Miss Kindergarten be more interested in learning about giraffes in the wild? More interested in protecting wilderness areas?  Will she feel more connected to and curious about Como and its animal family? That is the goal, but I’ll keep you posted.

Let me explain.

I’m a public radio addict.  With a kindergartner in the car or the kitchen or nearby while I fold laundry (all of my MPR hot spots), I’ve had to trim some immensely complicated national and international issues into a lunchbox portion.

Miss K began paying attention to the familiar voices of Bob Edwards & Friends when the Haitian earthquake brought me to tears. As a parent striving to inspire the urge to help others in need, I instinctively tried to explain what had just happened. I believe the desire to do good for others is closely tied with a basic understanding of what issues others are facing, in our own neighborhoods and around the globe. I’m just not certain at what age that understanding should be developed.

Of course, I turned the radio off as soon as I realized she was paying attention. She needed the translated version, not the raw first response. Then I applied some communication tips I had heard or read months earlier, originally in an article about giving kids the sex talk. Though the source is unknown, the advice has served me well these past few months.

• Start Small: Give the simplest explanation possible. Some oil is spilling in the ocean.
• Be concrete, not vague. People are worried that the oil will make the the ocean sick.
• Answer questions honestly, but simply… if they ask them.  People are working to clean it up.

As it turns out, most children will stop asking questions before they’ve heard too much. I have tried to give more nuanced explanations to Miss K’s questions, and it invariably ends in either exasperation or over exposure to something she may not have needed to know.

Oh, and there is one more thing. Children, at least mine, like to feel like they have a little control. We all do really.

• Conclude with a suggested action. Let’s write a letter to our legislator asking them to help protect the wildlife near the spill.

With these helpful tools, Miss K has slowly taken more notice of the world around her. She has followed news on the oil spill as closely as I have. She is beginning to learn the names of this fall’s gubernatorial race.

And unfortunately, between her heightened awareness and my continued need for periodic news updates, I cannot shield her from the rest of the story, so to speak. A few days ago, news of a suicide bomber made the headlines, between snippets of Obama’s latest stump speech and the latest economic report. Not so long ago, the quietly droning news would have passed her by, but this time I heard, “Mama, what’s a bomb.”

I started small. After my first, easily digestible version, she said, “Let’s write a letter. Someone should make them be peace.”

How have you approached current issues with your children? And how young is too young?

Covering such heady topics as peace, feelings, and difference, Parr combines engagingly simple illustrations with brief but outstanding language. From The Peace Book my (then) 18 month old learned the importance of “I’m Sorry” and trying new things. From It’s Okay to be Different, my (now) two-year-old discovered that people come in all possible variations, and that it’s okay to eat macaroni and cheese in the bathtub (thankfully, that hadn’t been tested yet).

For little ones, these books are pure entertainment: engaging pictures, some funny smelly-sock jokes.

For older ones, they provide an opening for bigger conversations.

The Family Book helped me clarify Miss Kindergarten’s growing list of questions. She has just begun noticing the at-home differences between herself and her peers. It’s Okay to be Different has become part of an ongoing discussion about acceptance and withholding judgment. It provides a lesson that we all need from time to time.

Tucked in with all of the big ideas, including empathy and difference and hunger and love, are multiple belly laughs. They are a delight. I haven’t read all of Parr’s collection, but I have added several new ones to the list after checking out his website.  The site also provides coloring pages and a few simple activities that my kids enjoyed.

What’s your favorite Todd Parr book? And how have your children responded to them?

When I first printed off the list of school supplies, Miss Kindergarten wanted nothing to do with it. It was very unlike her. New crayons, new markers, a back pack: How could she not be excited?

“I don’t think I want to go to kindergarten mom,” she told me nervously.

We took a moment to talk about how everyone is nervous for school, how exciting and fun it is when you get there, and how much she enjoyed preschool. Then, I let the whole thing drop for a bit.

A few days later, I brought the list up anew. “Look at all of these things we need to start school. I bet not every student has enough money to buy all these things. I wonder how that would make them feel?”

Of course, after so much talk about helping other people, Miss K piped right up. “It would make me a little scared if I didn’t have all of my school things… A little nervous.”

From there, it didn’t take much prompting to head to the store. Miss K and Little Miss Two enjoyed the scavenger hunt. In went the things Miss K needed, and in went two extras. Our school district posted a convenient “How to Donate” form alongside the materials list, so it was an easy pit stop at the local food shelf. We even stopped at home for a bag of fresh garden veggies to donate.

So we are ready for Kindergarten, and hopefully we helped a couple of other students get ready as well. After this little shopping trip, Miss K is telling anyone who asks that she can’t wait for school. When she told a friend about donating a few school things for the kids who couldn’t buy everything on the list, she discovered another donor! She was so excited. She wants to run out and find more things to give.

Perhaps I should have her start with her very own playroom.

Where do you make your school supply donations? And how does it help your child get into the school spirit?

We signed up for our first delivery weeks ago. We practiced our door knocking technique so much that it became a favorite game in our backyard.

“Knock knock. It’s Meaws on Wheews!” Shouts Little Miss Two.

Big Sis opens the playhouse door and graciously accepts her offer of a sandbox cupcake.

“You’re we’come.” Little Miss Two says with a wave. “Have a nice day.

With all this practice, I shouldn’t be surprised that our first meal deliveries were successful. But I was… I really was!

The deliveries happen between 10:45 and noon, mealtime obviously, which happens to coincide with the lowest blood sugar and sleep levels for both girls. It’s a tough hour even when we’re all safely confined to our own backyard.

Between the summer heat, hunger, and a pending nap, we could have had multiple meltdowns. We could have had a tantrum at some hungry stranger’s doorstep.

We didn’t though, and credit must be given to the helpful suggestions in the Meals on Wheels handbook (prepared with the help of DGT). These tricks were critical:

• Practice (our backyard playhouse was the perfect stage);
• Pack snacks, water, and toys for the car (they were starving and thirsty between every delivery);
• Talk about the different kinds of people you’re likely to meet; and
• Ask for a route that includes a few apartment stops, to minimize getting in and out of the car (the kids had fun hunting for apartment numbers too!).

As a treat, we went out to lunch after the deliveries, which we almost never do. I attempted to talk through the discussion questions in the handbook, but by then the girls were tired.

The only thing Big Sis wanted to say was, “What I liked best was the whole thing!”

Little Miss Two backed her up, “What I wiked best was all da gwampas and gwamas!”

For the sake of full disclosure, I should share our one little snafu. It was minor, and totally the fault of my hyperdrive brain trying to keep track of the girls and their snacks and the panda bear Little Miss Two insisted on bringing along.

The folks at MOW gave us highly detailed driving directions, including details about where the specialty diet meals or desserts should go. Unfortunately, I didn’t take in every single detail as well as I would have liked.

On our last delivery, we were short one milk!

As it turns out, one of our previous stops was marked “no beverage,” but I hadn’t noticed. Luckily, this was an easy, if socially awkward fix. And one that was probably confusing for the poor man whose lunch we interrupted a few minutes after running to a nearby gas station for an extra milk.

At least I didn’t have to track down an extra spaghetti with meatballs! Next time I’ll pay equal attention to all three parts of our meal deliveries.

Given that several of our visits were brightened by the offer of hard candy in a crystal dish, just like the one my great grandma kept, I’m not surprised that the girls enjoyed it. Most of the people we visited thanked me for bringing the kids, and enjoyed talking with them for a few minutes.

This was an exceptional experience, and we will definitely be doing it again.

We’ve all heard the saying “kill ‘em with kindness,” usually in reference to defusing the power of a bully. This week, I stumbled upon kindness’s other top target: crabbiness. The idea isn’t exactly new. The health and mood benefits of kindness have been widely touted, and Doing Good Together is built around the idea that improving the lives of others can improve lives within our families.

This week I saw that impact in action. Taking time out for kindness directly improved the course of our day.

My two-year-old has been… well… two. Not terrible, exactly, but definitely over-extended, moody, and aggressively crabby.

For a couple of days I tried earlier bed times and a low key schedule, but even when well-rested, her mood continued to drive my five-year-old screaming out of the playhouse.

To occupy them both, I pulled out our card making supplies. For about a month, sending cheery cards to kids in the hospital had become a morning routine of ours. The chaos of summer scheduling ended that routine for a while, but as soon as the girls saw the box of cards, addresses, stamps, and craft supplies, they knew what to do.

To my delight, my two-year-old’s mood transformed with this little project, and her big sister seemed energized as well. Talking about the needs of others, and thinking about our hopes and well-wishes for the kids on the other end of the mail route gave all three of us a sense of gratitude and peace.

Redirecting our energy toward kindness for others took my daughters and I out of ourselves. Our focus was no longer centered on our no good day but instead on bringing a smile to someone else. As a result, even miss two-year-old was full of smiles for the rest of the day.

Have you noticed the mood altering impact of a random act of kindness? Share your story!