Buckling up for a metaphorical bumpy ride from time to time as you enter a new job, experience a change in leadership, or encounter a developmental growth spurt is something that begins at birth and follows us until life’s conclusion. The winds of change blow strong. With children, we sometimes don’t see the changes themselves right away; instead, we see the impact of the changes in personal barometers of behavior and mood. How can we as supportive humans respond effectively to the need for change and see the purpose behind the disequilibrium?
People want and need to be seen. It is a fundamental characteristic of humans that we seek opportunities to connect with others in an authentic way. We want to feel noticed and valued as a member of the human community. We want to understand AND be understood. This connection is vital to our feelings of safety and happiness, and ultimately is foundational to our ability to work through challenges, think critically, be planful, and other executive function skills. How can adults use that in-born inclination to shine a light on actions that we wish to reinforce in our children?
As adults, we have a better sense of what is within our locus of control and how we can approach solving problems from our mature perspective, whereas young children see a lot of problems as big and insurmountable even if they are not. The good news is that we can cultivate the growth of our child’s sense of helpfulness over time in ways that match their developmental stage, while teaching about both agency AND the interconnectedness of humanity.
in the last few years, I have worked diligently to cultivate a growth mindset and to model that approach for my teenage children. The basic idea behind this concept is that by using “yet” at the end of a sentence, we reframe our approach to problems and retrain our brains to see challenges as opportunities to learn and grow.
The world in which we are helping our children to grow is not free from adversity, small or large. We cannot shield young people from the troubles of their community and world. And while it might make us caring adults feel better to try, research shows that doing so is not to their benefit, either. Children are innately curious and working continuously on relating to others as their empathy skills develop. They wonder about big questions like, “how am I similar or different to people I see suffering,” “could that happen to me,” and “my heart hurts for them; how do I help them.” Many who witness tragedy or challenges faced by other people in the world ask the same questions. How do we explain problems like poverty, mental illness, systemic racism, and violence to these small humans?
Sharing compassion with others meets critical needs in our communities, even as it heals our spirits. With each act of service, our families can be a force for love and kindness, helping to heal our fractured country and connect meaningfully with those around us.
And along the way, our children will discover what it means to live an engaged and compassionate life.
By engaging kids in social action, we can help our justice-loving youngsters recognize and stand up against inequities. We can help build their empathy muscles, practice the skills needed for social justice, and work toward a more equal society. In this week's post, DGT offers a new, book list to fuel your social action!
Now is the time to gather our families and get back to the work of helping the fearful, the lonely, the hungry, and everyone else needing a hand.Together, let’s cross kind acts off our to do list and watch their impact ripple out into the world. Together, let’s do all the good we can to bring people together, to lift others up.
Finding our tribe is good for our health. It's good for our jobs. It helps us live longer. But do our tribes limit our social experiences? We need to intentionally throw open the gates to new friendships and new social experiences if we’re going to expand our cultural boundaries and unlearn the prejudice that's unraveling our country.
