The Power of Listening with Your Heart
Children naturally want to share with us all their observations. But how do we respond when they open up to share? After a long, full-day, listening can be challenging for all of us. While we believe we are good at listening, research tells us that we really only listen at about 25% efficacy. Other studies suggest that we are forgetful and distracted when listening 75% of the time. True listening is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children. Listening – deep listening or active listening – is something we can get better at. Great listening is something that is trained, honed and practiced. We can practice taking the time to stop, give someone our full attention, let them speak without interruption, ask follow-up questions and refrain from judgment. Listening without scrutiny shows someone that you care and allows for a safe, authentic, space for honest connection and exchange. By modeling deep, active listening, we build trust, learn from our kids and teach the power of empathy by listening with our hearts.
– MiaLisa Millares, Executive Director
ACTION
Practice Mindfulness. Take time to sit quietly by yourself. Practice meditation and listen only to your breath. Try not to get frustrated if you feel your thoughts drifting; just take time to refocus on your breath and the rising and falling of your chest and belly. By practicing mindfulness, sometimes we can even listen to our own thoughts more clearly. If mindfulness is hard on its own, try this peaceful mandala as a mindfulness practice.
Hold a Family Conversation. Set aside a time to have a family conversation. It could be an official family meeting or simply an opportunity to talk as a group. Start by modeling how to facilitate a group conversation as the parent (once children see how this is done, they can lead as well). Give everyone a chance to check in and tell about their highs and lows of the week. Challenge your kids to listen and not to interrupt. Use a talking piece (a meaningful object that determines who has an opportunity to speak and who has an opportunity to listen). Use our conversation starters. Pose a question, and let everyone have a turn.
Family Fundraiser. Take time to listen carefully to your children’s passions. Harness that energy and enthusiasm to create a family fundraiser that will benefit a cause they choose. By listening to their interests and giving their passions voice, they will participate wholeheartedly in helping, and the entire family will have a chance to “do good.” Check out this recent podcast on leading with your children, listening, and giving them voice.
Connect with a grandparent or senior in your community by listening, baking, reading, or visiting. It is hard to tell who is the giver and who is the receiver when connection and friendship are the services you are providing. Intergenerational conversations and learning make for a great window into another life, perspective, and time for both parties.
Practice Listening Skills with a Family Member. Learn about an elder family member’s history by recording an extended interview with the Story Corps App after learning about its mission.
CONVERSATIONS
Try a challenging exercise around the power of listening. Ask your child to tell you about something they love. Turn your phone on silent. Sit down with your child and give them your full attention. Listen fully. Ask open-ended questions that follow your child’s story to help them share more. Make sure that the questions you ask elaborate on where your child was hoping to go rather than on what you want to know. Let them lead the conversation. Here are some prompts to consider:
And then what happened?
Can you tell me more about ….?
How did you feel about that?
Take me back to the beginning of the situation…how did this all start?
What was good/challenging about the situation?
What did you learn from this experience?
READ
The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld - Animals provide Taylor, whose recent special creation was destroyed, with different ways to handle frustration. This story provides an excellent platform to think about how your child handles challenging situations. It ultimately emphasizes the power of listening.
Breathe Like a Bear by Kira Willey - Whether pretending to be a bear in hibernation or blowing on hypothetical hot chocolate, this book uses imaginative play to teach children the tenets of guided meditation in age-appropriate ways.
INSPIRATION
“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.” – David W. Augsburger, author