Buckling up for a metaphorical bumpy ride from time to time as you enter a new job, experience a change in leadership, or encounter a developmental growth spurt is something that begins at birth and follows us until life’s conclusion. The winds of change blow strong. With children, we sometimes don’t see the changes themselves right away; instead, we see the impact of the changes in personal barometers of behavior and mood. How can we as supportive humans respond effectively to the need for change and see the purpose behind the disequilibrium?
People want and need to be seen. It is a fundamental characteristic of humans that we seek opportunities to connect with others in an authentic way. We want to feel noticed and valued as a member of the human community. We want to understand AND be understood. This connection is vital to our feelings of safety and happiness, and ultimately is foundational to our ability to work through challenges, think critically, be planful, and other executive function skills. How can adults use that in-born inclination to shine a light on actions that we wish to reinforce in our children?
As adults, we have a better sense of what is within our locus of control and how we can approach solving problems from our mature perspective, whereas young children see a lot of problems as big and insurmountable even if they are not. The good news is that we can cultivate the growth of our child’s sense of helpfulness over time in ways that match their developmental stage, while teaching about both agency AND the interconnectedness of humanity.
in the last few years, I have worked diligently to cultivate a growth mindset and to model that approach for my teenage children. The basic idea behind this concept is that by using “yet” at the end of a sentence, we reframe our approach to problems and retrain our brains to see challenges as opportunities to learn and grow.
The world in which we are helping our children to grow is not free from adversity, small or large. We cannot shield young people from the troubles of their community and world. And while it might make us caring adults feel better to try, research shows that doing so is not to their benefit, either. Children are innately curious and working continuously on relating to others as their empathy skills develop. They wonder about big questions like, “how am I similar or different to people I see suffering,” “could that happen to me,” and “my heart hurts for them; how do I help them.” Many who witness tragedy or challenges faced by other people in the world ask the same questions. How do we explain problems like poverty, mental illness, systemic racism, and violence to these small humans?
As adults, we have a better sense of what is within our locus of control and how we can approach solving problems from our mature perspective, whereas young children see a lot of problems as big and insurmountable even if they are not. The good news is that we can cultivate the growth of our child’s sense of helpfulness over time in ways that match their developmental stage, while teaching about both agency AND the interconnectedness of humanity.
in the last few years, I have worked diligently to cultivate a growth mindset and to model that approach for my teenage children. The basic idea behind this concept is that by using “yet” at the end of a sentence, we reframe our approach to problems and retrain our brains to see challenges as opportunities to learn and grow.
The world in which we are helping our children to grow is not free from adversity, small or large. We cannot shield young people from the troubles of their community and world. And while it might make us caring adults feel better to try, research shows that doing so is not to their benefit, either. Children are innately curious and working continuously on relating to others as their empathy skills develop. They wonder about big questions like, “how am I similar or different to people I see suffering,” “could that happen to me,” and “my heart hurts for them; how do I help them.” Many who witness tragedy or challenges faced by other people in the world ask the same questions. How do we explain problems like poverty, mental illness, systemic racism, and violence to these small humans?
Research shows that families who co-create mission statements and continually revisit their shared values feel more connection to one another and a sense of responsibility to others. It also aligns with the values of families who are Doing Good Together! Does this sound like something you and your family would like to try? Here are some tips to encourage you in writing a mission statement that reflects your family’s values and centers your efforts to identify and continually practice your family’s mission.
At times, my now-teenagers had a great capacity to step into the shoes of another; but at other times, I felt that despite my best efforts, empathy was lacking. I also noticed that their empathy skills developed differently, despite having the same parents and upbringing. How did what came so young and so naturally for one child seem so challenging for another?
Making time to read and wonder together offers a comforting oasis in an often chaotic world, for both children and parents. To make getting started easier for your family, we at Doing Good Together have added several bookish acts of service to our growing Pick-a-Project collection.
Self-care may conjure visions of bubble baths and movie nights (two creature comforts I fully embrace), but there is lots of evidence that a few intentional wellness strategies can help us feel great even in the midst of chaos. These five strategies can help you cultivate your whole family’s sense of well-being.
At Doing Good Together, we help families start and sustain an intentional “ kindness practice,” a powerful combination of daily habits, big-hearted conversations, great books, and volunteer experiences. Starting - and sustaining - an intentional kindness practice with your busy family is easier than you’d think. Here are the tools to get you started!
Just like the rest of our body, our mental health occasionally struggles with a bout of the grumps or bit of the blues. These emotionally low moments - featuring worry, self-doubt, fear, frustration, anger, and sadness - are a developmentally normal response to the rough patches of childhood and the stresses of the big changes our children experience throughout their growing up years. It’s our job to help our children learn to understand, cope with, and overcome their emotional upheaval. DGT is offering a few creative strategies to help you start a stockpile for your next run-in with the emotional sniffles.
